Saturday, March 14, 2009

Guy Lunch

Simon Cowell would say that this post is self-indulgent. And I admit, it's not about diving or expats or resources for living overseas. But it is about life - the bits of life I want more time for.

I've just settled in with my favorite weekend brunch (ham, egg and cheese on a bagel, large skim latte) at my favorite coffee shop on the lake. Two guys are sitting in silence at the next table. They begin to talk, in fits and starts. I race to open my laptop and get to typing. My really favorite thing about this coffee shop is how close the tables are.

Do you have the time? Just curious.

Seven minutes before 12.

Thank you.

My salad is really good.

It looks really good.

I’m falling behind. You already have one baby and I don’t have any.

You seeing anyone?

I wish. The last girl I went out with told me to stop calling her.

That internet…dating…

I was thinking of that.

That’s how my dad met his girlfriend. Or you could get a masters degree – college is a good place to meet girls.

Yeah, I was thinking of some kind of security thing. Homeland security. The look on your face right now is priceless.

A job for life is not a job for me. That’s like a death sentence. Being around a lot of people with nothing to prove. Kayla Heppler – remember her? Girl I dated in high school, who’s friends with Kelsy Malika.

Oh, yeah, you moved from Kelsy to her?

Something like that. She works for the CIA. I said to her, god, have you lost your mind? Okay, you have. Go ahead, go right ahead. Homeland security?

I was thinking it might be fun. My background in history might help. I have Asian history background.

What would you do?

I have no idea, it’s just an idea.

Listen, the security industry is the big bubble yet to burst. The last administration funneled trillions of dollars into private contractors. With all the stuff that they built, they couldn’t buy furniture fast enough. This is completely unsustainable. It’s not a growth thing, right? Defending the homeland from the dark skin Disney villains that are out to get us [snort]. And money…our society doesn’t have the same revulsion and indignation over profiteering that…these guys Rumsfeld and Chaney have made themselves millions of dollars through profiteering by going out and bombing cities, destroying cities, and then handing contracts to their companies to rebuild them. And they have no shame about it whatsoever – they’re proud of the war process. The fact that people are so docile…that they tend to not speak out against it, much less rise up against it.

Yeah, rise up. You doing anything else today?

2:30, Chinese dentist.


2:30? Tooth hurty? Chinese dentist.


English humor.

I guess.

So what do you think of the chops [sideburns] here?

It’s a good look. How’s your back?

Doing great – they say it was the Bowflex. I just worked out at home, upper body, lower body. I used the rowing option –that was great.

Exactly what I did – 25 minutes a day. I’d like to gain 10 pounds.

You want to put on muscle? Body building?

No no no. I don’t want to put on bulk. I could easily put on 2 or 3 pounds just in my lats if I wanted. I don’t want to just throw it on, you know?

Well, you ready to head out?

I used to tell this guy…

Is this the same guy as last year?

No, the guy in San Diego.

Oh yeah. What did you say?

He’s really strong but, like, he doesn’t do anything.

What does he do?

He just does the weights.

I really like that – it’s more about the pain, not the challenge.

They exit. I smile.

A woman behind me says...

Osteoporosis. She's doing it to herself with her bad diet and she NEVER exercises....

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